Shark Therapy
Wish I’d met the Shark Therapist before I met K-Fed! – Brittany S.
Where was this book when I was dating Brad? – Jennifer A.
Thanks to the Shark Therapist, I’m marrying Henry, the man of my dreams! – Jenna B.
“Shark Therapy” is Robin’s guide to hooking up, hanging out and dating for teenaged girls and their clueless moms. Written in her familiar, humorous style, these essays offer a blunt look at the current state of boy-girl socializing as well as solid pointers for girls who would like to have a social life without sacrificing their dignity and self-respect.
Excerpt:
The response to my column, Dating 101, has been huge. In fact, I haven’t gotten so much feedback since I wrote an article for a Major Metropolitan Daily in which I poked gentle fun at kids playing T-ball. For awhile there I thought the parents were going to torch my house and carry my head off on a pike.
In Dating 101, I advanced the bold idea that girls should not call boys. This idea was met with disbelief, derision and amusement. That was the mothers.
Girls themselves were doubtful but interested in hearing more, mainly, How do we get the boys to call us?
They have to be told, of course. You say, “Call me.”
Just because a girl shouldn’t make the call herself doesn’t mean she can’t tell a boy she wants to hear from him.
Boys and girls send each other signals of their interest all the time. Boys send out signals to see if it’s okay to come closer. Girls send signals telling boys to pursue them – or not. But it’s been so long since anybody has played The Game that the receptors are rusty. Girls are so busy doing the talking they don’t pick up the signals the boys are sending.
At some point, girls decided it was too much trouble to send all these coded signals indicating their receptivity to male attention, and they started calling boys, emailing boys, calf-roping boys and otherwise announcing their interest in them. This took all the fun out of The Game for boys, who thrive on competition. So the typical boy turned instead to Wii, occasionally setting the joystick down long enough to put the phone on speaker so some girl could tell him how cute he was.
Resolving this problem will take perseverance. Boys are basically lazy, but they can be trained.
For years, nay, for almost two generations, girls have trained boys to let them, the girls, do all the work in a relationship. It hasn’t been hard. Boys may be lazy but they are no fools. What guy would not be willing to hang around the house and wait for a girl to drive herself over, bring the beer, do his laundry, clean the mold out of the refrigerator and buy her own ticket to the concert?
When girls stop doing all the work, boys will be forced to take some initiative themselves -- or else live like monks, which, trust me, is not what boys will choose to do.
Of course, it has been so long since boys have been expected to pursue girls, it will take a little direction from the girls to get them started. Fortunately, this isn’t hard, either. Guys of all ages appreciate having clear instructions about a girl’s expectations.
In 1980 when Prince Charles and Lady Diana were engaged, Robin (aka, the Shark Therapist) wrote an article in the Richmond Times-Dispatch predicting their divorce.
Here’s how it works: When you meet a guy and the sparks are flying, don’t whip out your cell phone and ask for his number. Wait for him to ask for yours. If he doesn’t, you smile brightly and say, “Give me a call some time.”
Admittedly, this may sound like a novel idea to the guy, so you will have to repeat the instructions clearly as you part company: “Call me.”
You say this lightly, because to be serious is to set yourself up for humiliation. Guys are, well, heartless when it comes to joking about girls. (They’re heartless when it comes to joking about other guys, too, even their best friends.)
You must do a balancing act, simultaneously convincing the guy that you are wild about him and that you couldn’t care less. “Pull him to you with one hand and push him away with the other,” my grandmother always said. You tell him to call you, signaling your interest in him, but you use an offhand tone of voice, signaling that it wouldn’t make any difference to you if he didn’t.
All of this requires a little practice, which is what high school is for. As hard as it is for teenagers to believe, high school is not the peak experience of most people’s lives. It’s a time to practice dating skills with other people who are learning, too.
Everybody is more worried about himself than about you, so it doesn’t matter if you don’t get it exactly right the first time. Practice your dating skills now, with guys you aren’t in love with, so that when you grow up and meet someone you really care about, you’ll know how to manage the relationship.
For instance, if you meet Mr. Right and HE says, “Give me a call,” just smile sweetly and apologetically and say, “I don’t call boys. They call me.”
This is the sort of thing that makes men crazy. Crazy about you, if you play The Game right.
Copyright © 2007 Robin Williams